Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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