found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
