it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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