His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
