Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
