bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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