I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
