We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
