I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
