All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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