If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize