Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
