oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
