whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
