he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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