Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
