Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize