This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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