I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
