i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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