hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
