Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
