where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
