best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
