I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
