thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
