Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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