you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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