carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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