don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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