hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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