I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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