You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
