i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
