my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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