You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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