I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
