I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sober January is a disaster.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
