I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
