saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
