its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
