FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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