She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize