operation harelip BJ is a go
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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