im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
