if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
