I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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