So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
