Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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