alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
