her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
