Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
