nutella sex= disaster
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
