i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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