i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
