Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
