Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
