You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
