I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
