when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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