do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
