I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
