I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize