I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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