we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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