tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
