he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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