Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Welp...herpes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
