I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
