Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
