After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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