The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
