Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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