never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
