Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
