The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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