My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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