How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
