She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
