I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
