I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
